Friday, June 22, 2012

The Room Novelization, now in eBook!

The complete The Room Novelization is now available as an ebook! I figured with all the recent 50 Shades of Grey action going on (which, of course, started as an ebook) that I should jump on the bandwagon and offer up my own 50 Shades of Wiseau in a trendy, portable format.

It's free and includes a never before seen (and controversial) afterword that I just wrote an hour ago.

I'm going to look in to getting it on the Amazon Kindle marketplace thing, but until then, download it exclusively right here.

Download The Room Novelization ebook!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Oh hi, Tommy Wiseau

I had an opportunity to 'meet' Tommy Wiseau over the weekend at a live screening here in Ottawa, Canada at the Mayfair theater. Meeting meaning getting my picture with him and asking him a question. I bet you can guess what I asked about!

ME: Hi. Have you heard of The Room Novelization?

TOMMY: What do you mean by that?

ME: It's...someone took the whole movie and turned it into a novel.

TOMMY: You know what people do all kinds of this stuff, keep in mind I have a book that is six-hundred pages. We are actually publishing this year or next year, we are working with publisher right now.


TOMMY: It's a gift! Oh, that's a good question actually. I don't know about it. I don't have time to read it all, some of this stuff. But let me inform you guys, a lot of this stuff are people using The Room for this and that, and you know it's fun's a compliment for me. You know? Because this is my work. But speaking about The Room, keep in mind this is my...did I say fifty?...almost twenty years of my work. It's not like...people say 'oh happened by accident' you know? Remember guys, never happened by accident. Move on, next one.

Me, Tommy Wiseau, my girlfriend and Greg Sestero.

Friday, December 31, 2010


Lisa and Mark burst into the bedroom, the sound of the gunshot alerting them to action. Immediately Mark realized the bullet's target.

Johnny, his best friend, was sprawled dead on the floor, a bloody mess where his head should be.

He ran over and grabbed on to him, shaking him.

"Wake up Johnny! Come on!" he screamed.

Lisa began to cry.

"Is he dead?" she choked out. She let his lifeless hand fall from hers and shook in her shock and her grief and her guilt. "My god! Mark, is he dead!"

Mark, not being a medical doctor, had no way of knowing if a gunshot wound to the head was fatal. So he felt for a pulse.

His hands emerged covered in blood.

And there was no pulse.

"Yes, he's dead." Mark pushed out though tears. "Yes he's dead!"

"Oh my god!" Lisa cried.

Mark leaned in and kissed his late friend on his forehead.

Lisa stopped crying for just a moment, then looked at Johnny's corpse and broke out again. "Oh my god.." she wailed.

Mark put a comforting hand around her.

"I lost him, but I still have you right?" Lisa pleaded. "Right?"

Mark pushed her away from him.

"You don't have me!" he spat at her. "You'll never have me!"

Lisa cried out again.

"You killed him."

"Mark we're free to be together. I love you."

Mark could only shake his head at this muderous bitch.

"I love you." she repeated, reaching out for his arm.

He shoved her hands away again. "Tramp. You killed him. You're the cause of all of this. I don't love you."

Lisa sat and cried.

"Get out of my life you bitch!" Mark screamed at her, thrusting his arm to the door.

"What's happening!" It was Denny, charging his way into the room, crying.

"Don't look Denny!" Mark tried to grab onto the boy, but he'd seen enough.

"Johnny's dead!" he cried. Mark and Lisa had to hold him back as he tried to push his way over to the corpse. "Wake up Johnny, please! Please! It's not right!" He clutched at Johnny's chest. "It's not right!"

"Denny, he's in a better place!" Lisa tried to comfort, but nothing could comfort Denny now. Nothing could comfort any of them.

"Leave us!" Denny shouted, turning to look at the both of them, "Both of you leave."

"As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth." Mark said, getting up and walking towards the door, "That's a promise."

"Just leave! Both of you!" Denny cried.

"Leave him all right!" Mark called after Lisa, who was still kneeling beside Johnny's body. "Let him be with him!"

"Why Johnny? Why!" Denny bawled. "Johnny why! Why?"

Mark and Lisa stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to one another. They couldn't leave Denny. Not like this.

They walked back to him and Lisa cradled him in her arms.

Sirens wailed in the night as they wept. Distant screams rang out, calling for a help that was now too late. They wept and screamed for they knew that, because they had not loved each other, the world would now be a worst place.

And with that, Johnny, best friend, future husband and future son-in-law, father figure and favorite customer...

...was gone.

Chapter 20

The party filed out and the night turned to day. Claudette, who stayed behind to console her daughter, ascended the spiral staircase up to Johnny and Lisa's bedroom. Lisa was sitting on the couch and Johnny was locked inside the bathroom like a thirteen-year old.

"I cleaned up the kitchen, sweetheart." Claudette said, "so you don't have to worry about that."

Lisa stood up.

"He still won't come out of the bathroom."

"Sweetheart he's upset! Now Johnny is a sensible man. He will come out, you will discuss this, everything is going to be OK." Claudette had had multiple marriages, so she knew how these sort of adultery-with-your-husband's-best-friend scenarios turned out.

"I just think I should be alone with him right now." Lisa said, concerned for Johnny even though she doesn't love him anymore.

"I understand sweetheart. I'm going to go home now." Claudette kissed her daughter and poked her on the nose. "Bye bye. You call me if you need me."

"I will, thanks Mom."

"Hm hm" Claudette said and with that was gone down the spiral staircase.

Lisa turned towards the bathroom door. Behind it lay a shattered, broken man. Lisa approached the door and tried the knob. No use. Still locked. She slammed her opened palm against the wood and marched off to the center of the room where she stood with her arms folded.

"You can come out now Johnny. She's gone."

"In a few minutes bitch." Came Johnny's reply through the door.

"Who are you calling a bitch?" Lisa asked.

"You and your stupid mother."

Lisa scowled and turned towards the phone, grabbed it and dialed. After a few rings, a familiar voice came on the line.


"Hi, Mark? I need to talk to you."

Mark was confused. What could she possibly have to talk to him about?

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry about Johnny. He's just being a big baby. You know...I love you very much."

Johnny held his ear against the bathroom door, straining to hear his future wife.

"I love you." he could make out Lisa say.

"Why don't you ditch this creep, I don't like him anymore." Mark said, disgust boiling in his voice.

"I know, he's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you?"

"Sure baby, come on up." Mark seduced. "I want your body."

"You got it. I'm on my way. Bye." She said just loud enough for Johnny to hear.

"Bye." Mark whispered.

Johnny could listen idly no longer. He burst out of the bathroom.

"Who were you talking to?" he asked accusingly.


"We'll see about that!" Johnny said, walking out of the room. Lisa went about packing her things.

Moments later, Johnny returned.

And he had a tape.

He shook it in his hand at Lisa and she stopped dead in her tracks. She had a terrible feeling about what might be on it. Had he recorded everything?

Johnny sat on the bed and pulled a tape player from the bedside drawer.

"We'll see about that." he repeated, popped the tape in and pressed play.

"Hello?" came Mark's voice, exactly as it had sounded seconds earlier.

"Hi, Mark? I need to talk to you." echoed Lisa's recorded voice of moment's ago.

Lisa grabbed for the recorder, but Johnny pulled it away.

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry about Johnny, he's just being a big baby."

Lisa took a last look at Johnny and then went back to sorting her clothes.

Johnny let the tape play on.

"You know, I love you very much. You're the sparkle of my life. I love you."

Lisa dropped another pair of underwear into her bag and Johnny grabbed her arm, stopping the tape.

"You little tramp! How could you do this to me!" He screamed. "I gave you seven years of my life! And you betrayed me. Let's see what else we have on this tape..."

Johnny reached for the play button.

"No!" Lisa ordered, "Stop. You little prick. I put up with you for seven years. You think you're an angel. You're just like everybody."

"I treat you like a princess and you stab me in the back. I love you and I did anything for you to just please you and now you betrayed me. How could you love him!" Johnny wailed.

And he pressed play.

"Why don't you ditch this creep, I don't like him anymore." Mark said, disgust boiling in his voice over the tape.

"I know he's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you?"

Lisa looked down at the tape with smug approval.

"Sure baby, come on up. I want your body."

"You got it."

And with that Johnny exploded, throwing the recorder and smashing it against the wall.

He fell back onto the bed.

"Everybody betrayed me. I don't have a friend in the world." he muttered to himself.

"I'm leaving you Johnny." Lisa said. And true to her word, she was out of the room in moments.

Johnny stood and walked over to the railing.

"Get out. Get out. Get out of my life!" he screamed after her.

And then he growled and fell back on the bed.

* * *

Betrayl surged through every bone in Johnny's muscular body. He stampeded down the spiral stairs, each step compounding his anger. He fell hard onto the couch.

"Ahhhh!" he cried out. "Why Lisa! Why! Why!"

Like a hailstorm, memories struck him, one after another after another. Getting drunk with Lisa, his tie tied around her head.

He screamed.

Dancing with her in the dark.

Her sweet kiss.

He screamed again, tears cut their way across his cheek.

Making love to her and the rose pedals and the way she looked in that red dress...

"You bitch!" Johnny stood, throwing the fruit out of the bowls. Kicking over the lamp, boxes, destroying all the glasses and candles and painting on his mantle.

With all the might his anger would grant him, he picked up the television and with one swift blow, threw it out the window.

"You bitch!" he spat out. "You bitch!"

It smashed against the pavement.

"Screw the whole world!"

He brought his carnage up the stairs, destroying Lisa's keepsakes on her dresser, then destroying the dresser itself, pulling out each shelf individually and sprawling it's contents across the floor. Then he pushed the whole thing over.

He grabbed the comforter off the bed. The pillows. The sheets. And he smashed them all to the floor in a heap before throwing himself on the bare mattress.

He flashed to him and Lisa. Making love there.

He stood up once more, knocking over a vase and a candle ornament. He saw his reflection in the mirror, and couldn't stand to look upon himself.

He threw a rock at it and the reflection shattered, broken as he himself was.

Finally, Johnny collapsed on the floor. Amongst the sheets, something caught his eye.

Lisa's red dress. The one he had bought for her all those weeks ago.

He felt it. Let it fall through his fingers and in his mind's eye he could see her once again. Twirling in it in all her beauty.

He took it to his nose and breathed in. Her scent still stuck to it. It aroused Johnny, so he shoved the dress into his crotch and thrust, each pelvic spasm a reminder of the beautiful love they once shared.

She was his future wife. No more.

"You tramp..." he spoke through moans.

He tore at the dress, ripping it to shreds, each shred a reminder now not of her beauty, but of her deceit.

He saw her dancing with Mark, and he tore a piece of the dress.

"I put up with you..." Her voice echoed in his mind, and he tore another piece.

He discarded the dress and cried out.

He reached for a box. Opened it and held its contents.

Cold. Hard. Steel.

"Why, why is this happening to me! Why!"

He looked at the gun in his hands.

"It's over."

He cocked the gun.

"God. Forgive me."

Johnny shoved the barrel in his mouth.

"Everything will be all right..." Lisa's voice echoed one last time. "Goodnight Johnny."

And he pulled the trigger.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Chapter 19

Outside, the San Francisco skyline shined brightly into the night. Inside, the party went on into the night. Friends sipped champagne and laughed and chatted amongst themselves, sharing old stories of adultery and violence against women. The latest, hippest party music played. Johnny and Claudette caught up on the couch.

"You know that's like the third time you've told me that joke tonight!" Lisa said to a friend. Mark watched her, amazed once again at her beauty. She noticed him staring and returned his gaze. He looked away, feigning embarrassment.

And Johnny observed the exchange. After contemplating it for a moment, he returned to his conversation with Claudette.

Michelle and Mike were mingling with another couple, a brunette and her red-headed boyfriend. They laughed and the other couple left to another conversation. Mike was holding a piece of cake, chocolate cake, and he presented it to Michelle with a sly grin stretched across his face. Michelle laughed seductively, grabbed a piece and fed it to Mike. He lapped it up, sucking on her finger, then grabbed a piece himself. He was about to feed it to Michelle when Lisa came walking up, so he popped in his own mouth. Lisa and Michelle shared a knowing laugh.

"Hey, everybody!" Lisa announced to the party, "Let's go outside for some fresh air!"

Everyone at the party thought this was a terrific idea, and like at all adult parties, they did whatever the party leader told them to. Everyone shuffled out the back door onto the balcony.

Everyone, but Mark and Lisa.

Mark was about to exit when Lisa closed the door.

"Wait." she said. "I have something I want to show you."

Mark smiled an expecting smile. "Oh really?"

She led him to the couch. He sat down first and she draped her legs on his lap.

"So uh," Mark grunted, "what do you want to show me?"

"It's a surprise." Lisa said, putting down her glass.

She grabbed his neck and pulled him forward, and they locked into a passionate kiss.

Mark suddenly came to his senses.

"What are you doing? I mean are you crazy? Everybody's here!"

"No they're not." she said, giggling, "they're all outside!"

"You devil! You planned this all along!"

She smiled and kissed him.

"What's going on here!" said some guy who just entered the room.

Mark and Lisa quickly separated and stood.

"Why are you doing this!" exclaimed the guy.

Lisa took Mark into her arms. "I love him."

"I don't believe it!" the guy said.

Anger boiled inside of Mark.

"You don't understand anything, man," he said, "Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!"

And with that stunningly appropriate analogy he stormed off outside, back into the party.

The guy closed in on Lisa.

"Do you understand what you're doing? You're going to destroy Johnny! He's very sensitive."

Lisa simply shook her head. "I don't care." she said, "I'm in love with Mark."

"How could you do this!?" The guy exploded in confusion and anger. "You make me sick!"

The door swung open and Michelle and Johnny entered.

"Hey!" Michelle greeted.

"Thank you honey this is a beautiful party." Johnny said, "You invited all my friends. Good thinking!" Many of Johnny's parties in the home country were with few to none of his friends, and on one particular occasion, only enemies. So this was a great surprise for him.

"You're welcome. You know how much I love you." she lied through a smile.

"I do." Johnny said, and laughed. He had his arm around Michelle for some reason.

The guy stared at Lisa with barely disguised disgust.

For a while all four of them stared at each other uncomfortably.

"You know, it's getting pretty hot in here. Why don't we go back outside?" Lisa suggested.

Johnny agreed and opened the door. Everyone filed out but for Johnny, who stayed a moment. Thinking. Was something wrong?

San Francisco continued to be a beautiful city at night, and the party continued on the balcony. Lisa walked right past Johnny, not making eye contact and disappearing into the crowd. Johnny took that as his signal. He walked over to a place of prominence, waved at a passing friend then spoke up.

"Hey everybody! I have an announcement to make!" The party silenced and listened. "We are expecting!"

The party erupted into applause. Everyone came up to congratulate the father to be.

But Michelle and that guy from before weren't so pleased. They approached their friend. "Lisa, I have to talk to you." Michelle said, leading her towards a table.

"You have got to be honest with Johnny!" Michelle said.

"I agree with that." Interjected that guy.

"Look, I'm going to tell him, OK? I just, I don't want to ruin his...birthday."

"When is the baby due?" That guy said, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Lisa hesitated a moment, nervously pulling on her fingers. "There is no baby."

"What!?" They both exclaimed.

"What, what are you talking about?" That guy said.

Lisa sat down and her friends followed suit.

"I told him that to make it interesting." Lisa confessed.

Michelle and that guy looked at each other with utter disbelief.

"We're probably going to have a baby eventually anyway!"

Michelle sighed.

"Lisa are you feeling OK?" she said, putting her hand to her forward to feel for a fever. "Because this is just getting worse and worse!"

Lisa took a sip of her champagne.

"I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!" That guy shared Mark's skill of analogy.

"Me too! There's no simple solution to all this." Michelle agreed.

"Don't worry! You guys worry entirely too much about me!"

"Lisa, we're not worried about you. We're worried about Johnny." Michelle said, "You don't understand the psychological impact of what you're doing here! You're hurting yourself, you''re hurting our friendship."

"I am not responsible for Johnny. I'm through with that!"

Michelle rolled her eyes. This was the one-hundreth time Lisa had told some variation of this exact speech.

"I'm changing. I have the right don't I. People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future! What's it to you?"

That guy grabbed on to Lisa's hand.

"This is going to pull us all down." he said, "It's going to shake up our group of friends! It's going to destroy our friendship Lisa. I don't think Mark really loves you."

With the mention of Mark's name Lisa stood and crossed her arms.

"I don't want to talk about it!" she said.

Michelle sighed. "Lisa you're going to have to face it. I for one am going to have a hard time forgiving you if you don't."

Lisa ignored Michelle and turned to the rest of the party.

"Hey everybody! Let's go inside and eat some cake!"

"That's a good idea!" someone at the party exclaimed, and everyone made their way inside.

Michelle rested her head in her hand "I don't understand you Lisa." she said to no one.

Inside, the red-headed man took a nice big bite of cake. "Lisa looks hot tonight." he observed, and his girlfriend shot him a look.

Johnny, who was still catching up with Claudette, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Meanwhile, Mark and Lisa were having words.

"Come on, who's baby is it?" Mark said pointedly. "Is it mine?"

"No of course not!" she said, turning on her heel and walking away.

Mark grabbed her arm and yanked her back.

"Come on how can you be sure Lisa?"

"Stop asking me stupid questions!"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Just shut up!" she yelled and slapped him across the face.

Johnny shot up from his seat.

"What are you doing?! What's going on here!" he said, holding on to Lisa.

"You really don't know do you?" Mark said.

Johnny pushed Mark. "Maybe I know more than you think I do Mark!"

"You don't know shit, all right?"

"What do you want from me huh!?" Johnny said, and he threw Mark into a table, breaking glass. Mark pushed himself back up, then ran at Johnny wildly, his hands reaching for Johnny's throat. Everyone grabbed on and pulled them apart.

"Stop it!" Lisa yelled.

"All right!" Johnny said, throwing up his hands. "OK folks, everything is fine. Fight is over. I'm sorry Mark." He reached out a hand.

Mark took it and shook.

"Yeah, you too."

"Lisa, could you clean up here please." Johnny said. When your future wife sleeps with your best friend, the least she can do is clean up after you get into a fight with him about it.

Johnny went to the kitchen to cool off. Mark sat and thought.

* * *

The city skyline was beautiful at night.

* * *

A few hours past and the fight was forgotten, and before long Lisa and Mark were dancing intimately in front of everyone. Mark kissed Lisa's cheek softly as they swayed.

Johnny saw what was happening and approached Lisa, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he asked, concerned.

"None of your business." she spat back.

"You're my future wife, what are you doing Lisa?"

The party went silent.

"Leave her alone, man. She doesn't want to talk to you." Mark said.

Johnny swatted Mark away from his future wife. "Since when do you give me orders!"

"Since she changed her mind about you!"

Johnny smiled sarcastically.

"Wake up man!" Mark yelled, "What planet are you on!"

"I think you should leave right now, Mark." Johnny said calmly.

Lisa interjected. "Don't spoil it, we were just having fun."

"Don't worry about it man." Mark said, and he reached a comforting hand out to Johnny's shoulder.

Johnny swatted his hand away. "Don't touch me motherfucker! Get out!"

Mark charged at Johnny and the two locked in combat.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Lisa cried out.

"Leave her alone!" Johnny pushed Mark and Mark hit the wall, falling on his ass.

"You two are acting like children." Lisa said.

Mark pushed himself up and walked toward Johnny. "Son of a bitch!"

"You're going to ruin the party!" Lisa said.

"If you keep your girl satisfied she wouldn't come to me!"

Johnny tore off his jacket. "Get out of my house!" he lunged at Mark and limbs started to fly as they fought. "I kill you! I break every bone in your body!"

"Stop it!" Lisa screeched.

That guy and Mike tore the best friends apart.

"I kill you you bastard!" Johnny said.

"You couldn't kill me if you tried!"

"You betrayed me! You're not good! You're just a chicken!" And then Johnny started chirping. "Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep!"

Mark exploded back and Johnny and they came to blows. Quickly, their friends separated them.

"It's over!" one of them yelled out.

"Shut up!"

"Cool it!" That guy said.

"Shut up!"

"It's over!"

"It's not over! Everybody betrayed me. I'm fed up with this world!" Johnny threw his hands up and made his way up the stairs.

Despite Lisa's best efforts, Johnny's birthday party was ruined.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Chapter 18

Night came and went and then it was day time again. Lisa was sitting, drinking coffee in the living room when Johnny came down the stairs, eating a bagel.

"Bye Lisa!" he said between bites, kissing her on the cheek.

Lisa watched him go with cold, sad eyes. When was she going to tell him? Mark was, after all, his best friend.

Johnny opened the door to reveal Claudette, who was waiting outside.

"Oh, hi Claudette!" Johnny exclaimed and hugged his future-mother-in-law.

"Oh!" she greeted.

"Bye!" Johnny said, and went off to work.

"Bye!" Claudette waved after him, then walked over to where Lisa was sitting.

"Hi, Mom." Lisa said, "how are you?"

"I'm okay! How are you?" Claudette said, sitting on the couch adjacent to Lisa.

"I'm fixing the apartment for Johnny's birthday, but I'm really not into it." Lisa wined.

"Oh, why not?"

"Because I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny." Lisa said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and in many ways it was as she had had this identical conversation with her mother at least a dozen times over the past few weeks. "And here I am, planning his party."

Claudette rolled her eyes. Here we go again.

"It's not right, Lisa! I still think you should marry Johnny! Now you can't live on love. You need financial security." She explained, pointing her finger. Lisa, as a woman, had no financial security without Johnny, who was a man.

"But I'm not happy!" Lisa shot back.

Claudette simply shook her head again. As if happiness mattered for her daughter.

"And he still thinks I'm going to marry him next month. He's a fool." Lisa put down her mug and stood up, grabbing the broom and starting to sweep.

"You expect to be happy? I haven't been happy since I married my first husband! I didn't even want to marry your father." Claudette spat out.

Lisa gripped the broom hard. "You never told me that!"

"It's true. All men are assholes! Men and women use and abuse each other all the time. There's nothing wrong with it!" Claudette spouted, "Marriage has nothing to do with love!"

Lisa didn't want to fight with her mother anymore. She was tired enough from two straight days of sweeping.

"Johnny's OK, I suppose." she said. "Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger."

"You should be happy then!" Claudette implored. If there's one lesson she'd always tried to ingrain in her daughter it's that she should be happy manipulating men into horrible situations.

"But I don't love him!" Lisa yelled again. How many times did she have to say it before anyone would understand!

"Oh!" Claudette sighed, standing up and facing her daughter. "Don't throw your life away just because you don't love him! That's ridiculous! You need to grow up and you need to listen to me!"

Lisa just stared at her mother. She was done with this.

"OK, Mom. I'll see you at the party."

Claudette sighed and rolled her eyes and sighed again and then rolled her eyes again. And then she kissed her finger and put that finger to Lisa's nose. Lisa crinkled her face all cute like.

"Bye bye my precious." she said, and left the apartment.

Lisa swept.

* * *

As Johnny walked home for what would be the final time, he couldn't help but realize once again that San Francisco was a beautiful city. One of the most beautiful cities he had ever seen. From the beautiful Golden Gate bridge, to all the beautiful buildings, to all the townhouses and all the beautiful streets with beautiful street cars. It was the magic hour now, twilight, and the city just glowed. He took the scenic route today, past the Disney Store and the cathedral and before he knew it he was home.

He opened the door.

Everything was strangely dark.
And then the lights flicked on.


It was everyone! Lisa, Denny, Michelle and her boyfriend Mike, Johnny's best friend Mark and Lisa's Mom Claudette. Some random other best friends of Johnny's. Everyone.

Johnny smiled.

Lisa ran forward and touched his arm. Everyone broke out into the Birthday Song. As they sang, Johnny blushed.

"Oh wow!" he said as they chanted his name, "Wow, all right, thank you, thank you! All right, ha ha!"

They finished and Johnny grabbed a glass of champagne, toasting everyone around him.

"Hey thank you!" he said, "Thanks for coming! Thanks a lot again! Thank you!"

He tilted his glass towards Denny. "You want to drink this one?" he asked.

Denny looked at Johnny confused. Wasn't Johnny a recovering alcoholic? And wasn't Denny a recovering drug abuser? Whatever. It was a time for celebration.

"Yeah later!" Johnny said. "Later?" Denny asked. "Yes! Later!" Johnny said again and took a sip.

Words could not express how happy Johnny was to be like this, to be celebrating after everything that had happened. To be celebrating with all his friends, all of the men, women and children he loved so dearly. For now, for right now, he loved the whole world.

But all of that, was about to change.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Chapter 17

Lisa was sweeping up some stuff when the doorbell rang. Ding-dong! It was the doorbell.
"Who is it?" she called out even though she had more than good idea who it was.

"Delivery man!" Mark's handsome voice called out.

She stood there, staring at the door. She'd lead him on just a little bit more...

"It's me Lisa!" said Mark, "Come on! Open up!"

Lisa smiled. "Come on in."

Mark opened the door, which wasn't locked. Apparently Mark, like vampires, always requires an invitation before he can enter a house.

"Hey Mark." Lisa purred.

Mark walked past her, gently smelling her perfume. It was delicious.
He looked around the house. Looking clean.

"Wow, so uh. You gonna be ready?" he asked.

"How do you mean that?" Lisa said with a twinkle of sex in her eye, "I'm always ready. For you."

Mark smiled a handsome smile. "I mean for the party."

"We have plenty of time...all I have to do is put on my 'party dress,'" she said, putting the broom to the side and slowly lifting up her red shirt, revealing the rolls of sexy-flab hidden underneath. "Come on."

"Woah, woah, wait? What are you doing?" Once again, despite sleeping with her repeatedly for the past month, Mark was caught completely off guard by Lisa's attempts at seduction. That's what he loved about her. Her unpredictability.

"Nothing." she said, grabbing his shirt and pulling it up over his stomach and above his head. She pushed him onto the couch and kissed his handsome lips.

"You're so beautiful." Mark moaned.

They kissed gently, and just as Lisa reached for Mark's throbbing crotch, a knocking came at the door. Knock-knock-knock-knock! It was the door.

Mark and Lisa jumped to action, each quickly pulling on their shirts.

"Hurry up, I have to open the door." Lisa said.

"Wait! Hang on, hang on." Mark was having trouble with his sleeves.

Lisa pulled down her shirt, and before Mark could finish pulling on his she called out, "Come on in, its open!"

Michelle opened the door to see Mark's head go through the neck hole of his sweater. She smiled a big, knowing smile. "Uh, hi!" she exclaimed, and entered. "I brought the stuff." She was holding a bag of party-stuff.

"I knew I could count on you." Lisa said.

The girls giggled. Haha! Adultery!

"Hi, Mark!" Michelle said, turning her attention to the handsome man, "XYZ"

"What are you talking about?"

"Examine your zipper!" Michelle giggled out.

Lisa burst out into another fit of laughs.

Mark shook his head and zipped that Z right on up.

"You guys are too much!" Michelle laughed. "So, what can I do to help?"

Everyone smiled at each other and laughed and laughed. There is nothing funnier then walking in on your best friend cheating on her future-husband with his best friend.

"I gotta go." Mark said, then turned towards the door and left. Michelle and Lisa took a seat on the couch, still giggling.

"Wanna help me move the coffee table?" Lisa asked.


And so they got off the couch.

"What was he doing here?" Michelle asked, all though she had more than good idea on what he was doing here.

"Ah...he just brought by some take out." Lisa said. They walked over to the coffee table and each took a side. It was an extremely heavy, dense coffee table and required both of them to shove it to the side of the room.

"What about his zipper?" Michelle asked.

"What about his zipper?" Lisa zinged back. "Leave him alone, he's a good guy."

"Did you tell Johnny yet?"

Lisa sighed loudly, and her smile faded.

"No. Mark's his best friend."

Michelle handed Lisa a party-bowl. "Tricky tricky."

"You know, I really loved Johnny at first." Lisa said, sitting back down on the couch. "And now everything has changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open, and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all."

"You think you can get it all from Mark?"

"If he can't give me what I want, somebody else will." Lisa said, pouting her lips and shaking her shoulders. You go girl!

"Lisa, you're sounding just like your mother!" Michelle said, sitting down herself. "You're being so manipulative."

Claudette was very manipulative and so was Lisa.

"So what? You could learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live!" Lisa said, and she shook her hair all party like. "Don't worry about me. I've got everything covered."

Michelle shook her head.

"Your point of view is so different from mine." she said.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it." Lisa said, and promptly stood up, grabbing the broom. "People are going to be getting here soon, and, we have to finish."

"Lisa!" Michelle prodded.

"I don't see what the big deal is!" Lisa grabbed a loaf of bread from a grocery bag.
"Doesn't everybody, look out for number one?" Lisa grabbed some chips from the grocery bag.
"Don't I, deserve the best?" Lisa grabbed a bag of pretzels from the grocery bag.

"I couldn't do that," Michelle said, "you're too much for me Lisa!"

Lisa pointed an accusing finger at Michelle. "You're not such an angel yourself."
Michelle often gave her boyfriend Mike blow jobs. In fact, Michelle was sitting on a semen stain of his as they spoke.

"Yeah, but we're not talking about me, are we?" she said, then smacked Lisa on the legs with a pillow.

"Stop it!" Lisa pushed out through giggles, "Are you trying to ruin my party?"

The girls burst out into giggling again and went about setting up the rest of the party.

* * *
San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge is very long.

* * *

"That's the idea man. Yeah, you're right. That's the idea!" Johnny said as he jogged beside Mark in the forest.

"Catch me, come on!" Mark egged Johnny on as the ran. Johnny grunted and caught up. Eventually they made their way into the city, and were jogging up some stairs.

"I'm thinking of getting a house in Casa Lito. How are the rents like these days?" Mark asked.

"Pretty good. Oh, you'd be qualified for sure." Johnny confirmed.

"You serious?"

"Yeah, I'm sure!"

The breathing came hard as they climbed each step together.

"When can we meet about that? " Mark asked.

"Oh, we check my office about that tomorrow."



"Should I come in like late afternoon?"

"Absolutely." Johnny said, "Eight o'clock?"

"Really?" Mark couldn't believe Johnny's continued generosity.


"Right on. That's great."

They jogged away as friends do, back to the white sedan parked in the forest and from there back to the building they both called home.