Monday, October 4, 2010

Chapter 13

Johnny sat and poured himself a glass of water. "I don't understand women, do you Peter?"

Peter, who was a psychologist and one of Johnny's closest friends apparently, sat next to Johnny. He had Harry Potter glasses and looked like a sweaty intellectual.

"No man does!" he said through a shrug, "what's the problem?"

"They never say what they mean, and they always play games." Johnny said, placing the water pitcher on the floor.

"Okay..." Peter said, "What do you mean?"

"I have a serious problem with Lisa. I don't think she's faithful to me. In fact, I know she isn't."

"Lisa? Are you sure?" It didn't come as to much of a surprise to Peter. She'd tried to make it with him too. But Peter was gay and he'd refused her. He was putting up the front of shock now for Johnny's benefit.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Johnny said, sadly, "I overheard a conversation with her and her mother."

"This is Lisa we're talking about?" Peter feigned disbelief. "I don't know what to say!"

"But you are psychologist! Do you have some advice?" Johnny always found Peter, being a trained psychologist, to be full of wisdom. This wasn't the first time he'd come to his friend as an unofficial patient.

Peter stood up. "It's a complicated situation Johnny...I mean you're my friend. I don't want to get between you and Lisa." He all ready gone down that road. And lost. "Look, if you want to. You should confront her!"

"I can't confront her!" Johnny shot back, "I want to give her second chance, after all, she's my future wife! You know what they say! Love is blind!" He took a sip.

"You got a lot of faith in Lisa. Sometimes, life gets complicated, the unexpected can happen." Peter paused to consider his words. "When it just gotta deal with it."

This was why Johnny kept Peter around. He always had generic, arbitrary advice for any situation.

A ringing came at the door.

"Did you hear the door?" Peter asked, referring to the ringing at the door.

Johnny shrugged. "Yeah..." He placed his glass down and went to open it.

"Oh hi, Mark!" It was Mark, Johnny's best friend. "Come in!"

"Oh hi, Johnny! Hey Peter!"

"We're just talking about women..." Johnny said, sitting back down.

"Women, man. Women just confuse me!" Mark said, letting out a sigh as he sat down. "I have a girl...but she's married! I mean she's very attractive, it's's driving me crazy." Even though bringing up his affair in front of Johnny was risky, he really needed guidance. Guidance that he hoped that Peter, trained psychologist, could provide.

"Why didn't you mention this before?" Peter inquired, "I mean, is it anyone I know?"

"Nah, man. You don't know her."

"Can I meet her?" Johnny asked like a creep. Denny was beginning to rub off on him.

"I don't think so. It's an awkward situation."

"You mean she's too old, or you think I would take her away from you!" Johnny joked. Everyone laughed. Good joke. Women who are too old are gross! Friends stealing women, doubly so!

"I have my own problems." Johnny said.

"Tell me about your problems, Johnny." Peter sat down himself.

As much as Johnny benefited from Peter's experience as a psychologist, he also hated it for some reason. "Peter! You always play psychologist with us!"

"Look, I'm just your friend. I'm just worried about you."

"Lisa's teasing me about weather we are going to get married or not. And...we didn't make love in a while. And I don't know what to do!"

Mark took all this in and a sudden surge of guilt flooded him. Were Johnny's problems somehow...his fault?

"You never really know," Peter said, "I mean, look, you should tell her about your feelings OK? You shouldn't hide them. You two have been together forever. You can work out anything as long as you talk about it."

"Not always!" Johnny retorted.

"People are people, sometimes they just can't see their own faults!"

Johnny smiled. Once again, Peter always knew the perfect cliched truism to boost his spirits.

Mark felt the topic was dangerously close to his affair with Lisa, so he spoke up.

"Hey, I'm thinking of moving to a bigger place, man. I'm making some good money."

Peter didn't seem to take the hint.

"Look, you should tell her the truth. I mean, you're in this for your girl right?"

"Yeah, right Peter. Hahaha." Johnny laughed, "Is she getting a divorce Mark?"

"You guys are too much!" Mark quickly changed the subject again, "Hey are you running um, Bay to Breakers this year?"

"I am, sure." Johnny said.

Peter wasn't as enthusiastic, "I'm not doing it this year." he said, standing and walking towards the mantle.

"Chicken, Peter! You are just a little chicken!" Johnny said, and then he started chirping. "Cheepcheepcheep cheep cheep cheeeeeeeppppp!" he howled wildly.

"Who you calling chicken? I just don't like all the weirdos. There's too many weirdos there." Peter stammered.

Johnny, who had just stopped chirping manically, didn't know what he meant by 'weirdos'.
"I don't mind. Mark, remember the one with big tits? The blondie one?"

"No, how about the one with the bridal gown with the sign?"

"Oh oh yeah!" Johnny laughed, "'Will you marry me?' Hahaha! I thought I would take her up on it! Hahaha!"

"I never ate so much!" Mark said.

"Yeah, the barbeque chicken was delicious rice." Johnny agreed.

"That's exactly my point, you're both weird!" Peter said, sitting down again. "You guys want to play cards?"

"No, we can't!" Johnny said, "I expect Lisa any minute." Lisa had a strict no card playing policy.

"Hey come on, man! Who's the king of the house!" Mark said. Certainly Johnny didn't respect Lisa's wishes above his own!

"Yeah, this is what she's like before you get married!" Peter said, " did you ever meet Lisa? You never told us."

"Oh, that's a very interesting story."

Mark and Peter leaned in to what was sure to be an extremely worthwhile story.

Johnny continued. "When I moved to San Francisco, um, with two suit cases and I didn't know anyone and I have...I hit YMCA with a two-thousand dollar cheque which I couldn't cash."

"Why not?" Mark asked.

"Well because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a bus boy in hotel and, uh, she was sitting drinking her coffee and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her. That's how we met."

"So, I mean..." Mark started, not wanting to offend his friend, "What's the interesting part?"

"Well the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner!"

"What!" Mark exclaimed. "No tips from your job!" That was interesting. A woman pay for a meal, with her own money?

"Whatever! You guys wanna eat something?" Johnny invited. Both men shook their heads. So Johnny just left the room silently.

Just as he exited, the door opened.

And Lisa walked in.

Mark turned to meet her gaze. Their eyes locked. The passion was electric, and Peter couldn't help but pick up on it.

"Hey guys." she said, a hint of smile on her lips. "What's going on?"

"Oh, hey Lisa." Mark said, as innocently as he could muster.

Denny, who was also there, looked out of the window contemplatively.

"Where's Johnny?" Lisa asked.

"In the kitchen. I gotta go." Mark said. Of course he didn't really, but he couldn't risk staying any longer. He might slip up.

"I didn't mean to chase you off," Lisa said, "You should stick around for awhile."

"i got work early..." Mark said, his eyes drifting away from Lisa's. Denny stared at the both of them with awe.

"See yah." And with that, Mark was gone.

Also Peter randomly left as well. Leaving Lisa and Denny to sit on the floor with the door open.

"Did you get your wedding gown yet?" Denny said, seated on the floor.

"No, I get plenty of time." Lisa replied, more kneeling on the floor than sitting.

"You sure you have plenty of time? It's only a month away."

Denny was beginning to get worried about this wedding...

"It'll be fine. What are you so worried about? Everything's OK."

"Johnny doesn't seem very there some problem?" Denny persisted. Lisa and Johnny were like parent figures to him.

"There's no problem! Why do you ask?"

"I just want you and Johnny to be happy." Their sit concluded, they both stood up again.

"Look, Denny, I need to talk to Johnny. OK? I'll see you later."

Denny shrugged. On his own again!

"OK. Tell him I said hello?"


And with that, Denny was gone.

As for Lisa, she needed to have some words with her 'future husband'.


  1. Must be quite a feat keeping this thing up, but you're doing so well! Not long 'till it's all over now, not that I want it to end or anything.

  2. This is amazing. Please don't stop. Keep going keep going!! :)

  3. "Their sit concluded, they both stood up again."

    LMAO This is amazing.

  4. Keep up the great work man! I would be first in line to buy a copy of this. Thanks for bringing joy to random internet people.

  5. "This was why Johnny kept Peter around. He always had generic, arbitrary advice for any situation."

    You know it! Many years of studying to be a psychologist are clearly shown in such sage advice.

  6. Awesome. But the race's name is "Bay to Breakers."