Sunday, June 27, 2010

Chapter 5

"Yeah, delivery." Lisa was on the phone with the Pizza Store. They say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and this was most often true with Johnny. Certainly the fastest way to her heart was through her stomach, in that she enjoyed Johnny dry humping it.

"555-4828. Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks." she hung up and placed the phone near their framed spoon pictures. This was Johnny's favorite pizza. It'd have to be, if her plan was to planned.

No sooner had she turned around from the phone did a ringing come at the door. Johnny wasn't supposed to be home for a few minutes, who could it be?

"Who is it?" Lisa commanded.

"Denny!" came the cheery, if not creepy, reply.

She opened the door with a smile. He strolled in wearing a vomit-gray shirt, his boyish hair parted down the middle.

"Hi Denny, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine." he replied, holding open the door. "What's new?"

"Actually I'm really busy." she said, then realized she wasn't being much of a host and instantly added, "Do you want something to drink?"

Denny frowned.

"No thanks...I just want to talk to Johnny." he paused, looked Lisa up and down, then jumped back in faux-shock. "You look beautiful today! Can I kiss you!?" His smile radiated with perversion.

Lisa didn't know it of course, no one did, but Denny was high out of his mind. He had taken some drugs, hell, who was he kidding, a lot of drugs and couldn't help himself but to come on to Lisa. She was so beautiful.

"You are such a little brat!"

Denny shrugged. "I'm just kidding! I love you and Johnny."

"OK, OK. Johnny's going to be here any minute. You can wait if you want."

Denny had an appointment with a drug dealer, or he would have.

"Um, I got to go. You'll tell him I stopped by?"

Lisa nodded. "Of course I will."

Denny nodded too, then slithered back out the door, "Bye!"

"Bye, Denny."

And with that, Denny was gone.


Johnny pulled into the drive-way in his sedan. In between the flower store and his arrival home he had received some terrible news. He hoped the roses would help soften the blow.

He swung open the door. Lisa was on the couch, reading. She looked up as he entered and smiled, rushing towards him.

"Hi babe." he said, the flowers hidden behind his back, "These are for you." With pride smeared across his acid-burned face, he revealed the dozen red roses.

Lisa smiled a fake smile. She had tired of the roses years ago (it was one of the things that made Johnny so boring), but she kept on with the charade. At least for now.

"Thanks honey, they're beautiful!" she reached in and kissed him on his gravely cheek. He smiled.

"Did you get your promotion?"

Johnny's smile instantly vanished. This was the bad news.

"Nah." he said, and sat carefully on the couch.

Lisa grabbed a vase and inserted the flowers, sitting down on an adjacent couch. The sofa-seat was positioned directly in front of their television, entirely obscuring the view. Johnny preferred to read.
"You didn't get it, did you?" she asked delicately.

Johnny fumed.

"That son-of-a-bitch told me that I would get it within three months! I could have saved them bundles! They are crazy! I do not think I will ever get it! They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me and I don't care anymore!"

If there was one thing that angered Johnny, it was betrayal.

"Did you tell them how much you'd save them?" Lisa asked.

"Of course! What do you have think! They have all ready put my ideas into practice! The bank saves money and they are using me and I am the fool."

"I still love you!" Lisa lied through her warming grin.

"You're the only one who does."

Lisa's warm face twisted into a sullen grimace, "At least you have friends. I didn't get any calls today."

Johnny listened thoughtfully.

"You're right, the computer buisness is too competitive."

Johnny simply stared. He was never one to say I told you so.

"Do you want me to order you a pizza?" Lisa asked.

"Whatever, I don't care."

"I all ready ordered a pizza!"

Johnny laughed, "Haha. You think about everything! Haha."

But Lisa could tell something was still bothering him. His laugh didn't carry with it the joy it usually did.

"What's the matter? You all right?"

Johnny sighed wordlessly.

"It's just a lousy promotion. You know what you need?"

Johnny looked up, expectingly.

"You need a drink." she finished.

"But I don't drink! You know that!" Johnny laughed. She must be joking. He had been sober for five years. Ever since what happened back in the home country.

Lisa smiled.


The pizza had arrived. So had the drinks. Despite Johnny's repeated denials, she knew she could get him to knock back a few, and here she was, two drinks of scotch in her hand, heading towards the couch where Johnny sat happily eating his half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese pizza.

She put down one glass, then another, then poured straight up Vodka into both. Johnny watched her do it with a sense of detached worry.

Lisa grabbed her glass and handed Johnny his. He stared at it. Liquid death. The devil's seductive sauce. Could he do this? Could he go down this path again? After all that had happened last time...

"Don't worry about it. It's good for you." Lisa assured him.

Johnny put the drink down. "You must be crazy! I can't drink this!"

She put hers down too, than grabbed Johnny's and wrapped his hands back around it.

"If you'll love me, you'll drink this." she whispered seductively.

Well, he loved her. So what else could he do? He took a sip. He giggled as the golden fluid seared down his throat. "Hehe, you're right, it tastes good! Hehe."

"I know, I am right. Don't worry about those fuckers. You're a great man." Of course, this was a lie. Although Lisa did consider Johnny a great man, she also considered him a fucker. A boring fucker.

"Drink and let's have some fun!" she said, and clanked her glass to Johnny's. He smiled and shook his head, then downed another sip of the yellow poison.


Within minutes, they were both drunk and laughing. They stood together pounding down the shots, Johnny's tie wrapped drunkenly around Lisa's forehead. She fell onto a nearby couch and laughed as Johnny chugged. He finished his drink then carelessly dropped the glass, smashing it to pieces. They laughed.

Johnny grabbed at his hair. "You have nice legs, Lisa! Hahaha!"

You have nice pecs!" Lisa giggled.

"Hahahaha!" Johnny bellowed. "I'm tired, I'm wasted! I love you darling!"

Lisa grinned. "Come on, make love to me."

Johnny moaned tiredly. He was too drunk to say 'hi' to his 'doggy' tonight.

"Come on! You owe me one!" Lisa was referring to the fact that three days earlier she had masturbated him to the point of climax.

Johnny sighed and let Lisa pull him down onto the couch. She put his arm around her.

"I love you Lisa."

She laughed, "I love you, Johnny." Then tore open his shirt. "Haha!" Johnny chuckled. She pulled him close, and they began to devour each other's mouths. Johnny moaned softly.

They lit a bunch of candles. and spread rose pedals all over the bed. Johnny felt his throbbing, wrinkled sex grow in anticipation. She rubbed him with the rose, but dropped it as he kissed her.

He ripped off her dress, then grabbed the rose and picked off its peddles, one by one, dropping them gently over her body.

Lisa was very wet now.

He climbed on top of her, his penis sliding up and down her stomach.

"Oh...ohhh....OOHHHH" they both moaned.

He drove himself harder into her navel, his cock bouncing limply off her bulbous flab.


Johnny came all over his future wife's stomach. She looked down and smiled. That's how Lisa liked it...or at least, that's what she wanted him to think.

He rolled over and fell asleep at once.


  1. YES!!!! PuBLISH THIS!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I'm cracking up so hard right now

  3. Thanks guys! In terms of publishing, the plan is when its all done, which I'm hoping will be before summer's end, I'll print a short run of the complete novelizations myself and give them out at screenings for free. That way I hopefully won't run into any legal issues with Wiseau Films!

  4. "He had been sober for five years. Ever since what happened back in the home country."

    i am crying. never stop writing you wonderful, wonderful man

  5. there seems to me to be some continuity issues with the color of the liquid and it being vodka and clear in the photo, i might just be confused. anyway: another great chapter in the amazing epic!!!i cant wait to see the room again!

  6. Repetition of the earlier sex scene? Genius.

  7. I would love to give a million dollars to someone who has never seen The Room and hand them this novel and tell them to make a movie out of it. Just to see what happens. I wish I was rich enough.

    1. A great idea. But unfortunately for an epic of this size and scope -- with all its huge cast of expensive, big-name talent; and its many, many sets and special-effects -- it couldn't be done for a mere $1M. You'd need more like $6M.

  8. Ctrl+C Ctrl+V sex scene, brilliant

  9. My guilty pleasure... :3