Friday, December 31, 2010


Lisa and Mark burst into the bedroom, the sound of the gunshot alerting them to action. Immediately Mark realized the bullet's target.

Johnny, his best friend, was sprawled dead on the floor, a bloody mess where his head should be.

He ran over and grabbed on to him, shaking him.

"Wake up Johnny! Come on!" he screamed.

Lisa began to cry.

"Is he dead?" she choked out. She let his lifeless hand fall from hers and shook in her shock and her grief and her guilt. "My god! Mark, is he dead!"

Mark, not being a medical doctor, had no way of knowing if a gunshot wound to the head was fatal. So he felt for a pulse.

His hands emerged covered in blood.

And there was no pulse.

"Yes, he's dead." Mark pushed out though tears. "Yes he's dead!"

"Oh my god!" Lisa cried.

Mark leaned in and kissed his late friend on his forehead.

Lisa stopped crying for just a moment, then looked at Johnny's corpse and broke out again. "Oh my god.." she wailed.

Mark put a comforting hand around her.

"I lost him, but I still have you right?" Lisa pleaded. "Right?"

Mark pushed her away from him.

"You don't have me!" he spat at her. "You'll never have me!"

Lisa cried out again.

"You killed him."

"Mark we're free to be together. I love you."

Mark could only shake his head at this muderous bitch.

"I love you." she repeated, reaching out for his arm.

He shoved her hands away again. "Tramp. You killed him. You're the cause of all of this. I don't love you."

Lisa sat and cried.

"Get out of my life you bitch!" Mark screamed at her, thrusting his arm to the door.

"What's happening!" It was Denny, charging his way into the room, crying.

"Don't look Denny!" Mark tried to grab onto the boy, but he'd seen enough.

"Johnny's dead!" he cried. Mark and Lisa had to hold him back as he tried to push his way over to the corpse. "Wake up Johnny, please! Please! It's not right!" He clutched at Johnny's chest. "It's not right!"

"Denny, he's in a better place!" Lisa tried to comfort, but nothing could comfort Denny now. Nothing could comfort any of them.

"Leave us!" Denny shouted, turning to look at the both of them, "Both of you leave."

"As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth." Mark said, getting up and walking towards the door, "That's a promise."

"Just leave! Both of you!" Denny cried.

"Leave him all right!" Mark called after Lisa, who was still kneeling beside Johnny's body. "Let him be with him!"

"Why Johnny? Why!" Denny bawled. "Johnny why! Why?"

Mark and Lisa stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to one another. They couldn't leave Denny. Not like this.

They walked back to him and Lisa cradled him in her arms.

Sirens wailed in the night as they wept. Distant screams rang out, calling for a help that was now too late. They wept and screamed for they knew that, because they had not loved each other, the world would now be a worst place.

And with that, Johnny, best friend, future husband and future son-in-law, father figure and favorite customer...

...was gone.


  1. BRAVO!!! That was amazing, and with that it's safe to put this on my list of essential things you must do to enjoy the room:
    1. Watch The Nostalgia Critic's 'The Room' Review
    2. Purchase 'The Room' on DVD
    2. Install 'The Room' Rifftrax Commentary
    3. Read 'The Room' Novelization
    4. Play 'The Room' game on Newgrounds
    5. Attend a theatrical release of 'The Room'

  2. This has definitely been one of the greatest things I've ever read. It's too bad there isn't more material for you to build on. In fact, it's tearing me apart! Either way, you did a great job. I'll definitely be reading this again.

    Pablo: Don't forget to bring lots of plastic spoons.

  3. Mark, not being a medical doctor, had no way of knowing if a gunshot wound to the head was fatal. So he felt for a pulse. !!!!!

    although, can we know for sure that mark is not a doctor? i don't think it is specified in the movie (read: bible). the dvd (which is a must for, well definitely not everybody, but at least for all Americans) does state that mark is successful...

  4. Well done, Marcus. What an epic journey.

  5. Epic, indeed. I wish there was a Room 2 for you to novelize, though I don't know that the world's last vestiges of hope and light will remain should such an event occur.

    Nevertheless, you would be the man to put it in words. Tremendous effort. I've enjoyed the journey. Thank you.

  6. I just finished reading the entire thing, and I must say, it was beautiful. The Room is spectacular, with acting so stellar it's hardly acting at all: it's REAL, happening before our eyes, captured on film for humanity to witness for years to come. It's poetry in motion, with Wiseau as the sometimes-hard-to-understand choreographer. It is, frankly, indescribable. I'm happy to say this novelization does the movie justice, although nothing can compare to actually seeing Lisa's pepperoni nipples or hearing Johnny's dubbed lines. Thank you for this, and praise Wiseau Films for this magical film bestowed on mankind!

  7. All the other holy books and writings have become obsolete. Tommy Wiseau is the Messiah, his wisdom infinite, the acting skills of himself and his disciples unparalleled. This novelisation is the most perfect record of his teachings that we mere mortals could ever hope to lay our unworthy eyes upon.

  8. what a story marc!

  9. I have 2 things to say about this:
    1) This is completely awesome, and I am so glad you did this because there is obviously not enough of The Room in the world right now.
    2) Im impressed by your ability to capture the completely poor acting of what I assume are people with no acting experience. Really, really good job sir, I commend you

  10. I am unhaveable! I AM MARK!